its all about me.

hello.. few months since my last update.


so im a doctor now. erk.
what i do for living? saving life? basically im more like a clerk. i do reviews. i traced results.
sometimes i tried to save lives. sometimes i get scolded for no reasons. sometimes i messed things up. sometimes life gets so busy that i almost forget that im alive. but so far im contented with my life. im grateful for what i have now.

few things happened.

ME? i gained weight. and im not loosing any. i cant fit into my old jeans/ tshirts / baju kurung. i need to buy all new. with bigger sizes. this is so frustrating. but i enjoy eating anywayy. ill be in a bad mood when im hungry.

me, before.

ME, NOW..

see my cheeks?! it gets more cheeky!

my heart???! it gets bigger. stronger and tougher. SCOLD me. SCREAM at me. HARSH WORDS are nothing. you cant crumble my heart. it crumbled before and i fixed it. now it wayy more stronger. like luffy's armament haki. i dont what you sayy. i do what i have to do.
sometimes i get bullied. i just cant sayy NO. im still trying to overcome this.

__________________________________________________________________

seems like ive decided to stayy with the moon and stop counting the stars.
after so many years of his hardwork of getting me understand his feelings. i accepted it.
we planned to get married. but not anytime soon. still got few stuffs to settle before ending our "single fighter" life.

____________________________________________________________________

my girlfriend? - Bulla. she's getting married soon. she found her soulmate in her OnG posting. she's a lot more cheezier than i could've ever imagine. fuhh. when a girl in love. it really a mess you know. but his fiancee seems like a good guy. i hope he can take care of her. im looking foward for her wedding dayy. in march. I love you bulla.

my old crush?! old story. he's married. and live happily ever after. thats a common ending for a love story right? haha. (this is really an old story, eventhough most of the early posts of this blog were about him. ) . no more. it ended few years back. no photos of them with me.






subuh already. i want to continue writing. but thats it for now. :D


mood :: awesome!!

music :: nanana


~lysergdiethel®~

please., ease my ache.

07.42 a.m ::

it is an heart ache.

mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

mintak doa kat santa claus?!

17.50 p.m :: 


astargfirullahalazimm..

Dear Santa, 

I want an angel to be my girlfriend for this new year. U got it?

*from your biggest fan* <-- he said that. aduhaiii.
copy paste org punye. ssukati jaa kan. hehe. xpe konfem dia xbce.
ishh. amende la dia nie an. desperate ke nk girlfriend.ingt santa bole kasi.??!
ade la kott gift box esok bawah pokok krismas. an angel. goodluck!heh.

*may we always be on the right path.

mood ::

 music ::

 ~lysergdiethel®~

it is "not uncommon" for OSCE ObGyn to be ssuperduper stressing.!

06.59a.m :: 

satu je xpaham. knape mesti dlm exam letak gmbr xclear mcm tu?! i think this is a big issue! for me and for anyone of us. prof mmg xnak kasi kitorang mrkah eh?! whatever...



but. in life., it is so hard to see good things passing by. so that we kept living a stressful life.
i really need to fight against my feelings. because the life is so depressing lately.
is it all wrong??! or is it all right?! idk.

Those clouds high up in the sky are real. this is non editted photo. and it feels so right last night. even clouds came to console me. Subhanallah.

luckily.,frescato mocha kept me out of stress.! i like costa. ;)





09.22a.m :: its already nine??! ohhmygod. i have SC at 10. howw??!

"Every haram glance is a fall caused by the Shaitan, be careful or you may not be able to get up from your fall if it happens too often." #IslamSpeaks.








mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

the jury will decide

 i had enough.











mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

cuti!! isn't it??!

06.45a.m :: laisa (blum) cuti lg laa..

 i'm stucked in here. [in networks]. meaning that i'm gonna waste my precious thursdayy morning. ohh.my..my..

ppl said life is full of drama. i think.. Egyptians are full of drama..


makcik mintak sdekah tepi jalan. muka ssedih. baju comot. terdetik d hati kesian dia kurang bernasib baik. 2-3 langkah before smpai kat makcik. ttbe ad ringtone..kluar la handfon makcik..jeng2. makcik dgn muka tension (apehal la fon nak bunyi time nie. rezeki nk dtg nie) . agaknyaa la makcik tu ckp cmtu. xpaham. hahaa. pastu duet masuk balik poket. makcik busy nk jwb fon xleh nk kasi. then i wordered..camne makcik mintak sdekah mmpu pakai handfon??!ingtkan they're really ppl "in need" . terpksa minta sdekah nak kasi anak2 makan. ke nak beli topup??! camne nak husnuzoun??! camne??! camne??! aaahhh..

p/s :: husnuzoun = bersangka baik.

itu crite makcik mntak sdekah. crite makcik nak g Sidi Gaber laen plak. last year.time nk jln dr hosp Shatbi nak g CC. makcik ni tegur laa.. assalamualaikum., sidi Gaber jauh ke dekat??! (lam bhs arab la. ni translation). ak pon ckp la xjauh sngt. pastu dia tny lg "kalau sy pegi jalan kaki smpai x?" . aku pon. eh makcik. kalau jalan kaki jauh la. naik la taxi. pastu dia ckp lg "sy xde duet. jalan kaki xsmpai ke?" . ak pon. haa. pelik dah makcik nie. makcik tnya la org mesir canne nk buat. sy xtau. sy Malizi. makcik tu insist nk cite kat aku jugak masalah dia xde duet nak g sidi gaber. suh ak kasi dia. last2 ak ckp "Ana mafish fulus khalis" . dia pon "Khalas" . terus blahh. mst dia pk. mmbazir masa ak je ngan budak nie. rupanya xde duet. hahahaa.
yang lawaknyaa..taun nie. jmpe lg makcik tu nak g SIdi Gaber. the same story. mak aihh makcik. xsmpai2 Sidi Gaber??! haaha. Robbuna Maaki. smoga makcik smpai Sidi Gaber suati ari nnt. :P

another same story :: makcik nak g Cairo tp xde duet. masalahnyaa dia mngadu kat foreigners jaa. bila egyptians lalu lalang kat sbelah xde plak nk ckp. heh. ingt kitorang cop duet kaa?! peliikk.pelik..



kelmarin aku nk masuk pagar dekat convention cntre tu. ade sorang pakcik yg ade kat dlm tu ckp "come in., come in" then aku pon masuk. pakcik guard pagar tuh pon tnya... "min kamin dahh??!" . (sape kamin??!) dia ingt come in tu name aku ke?!. pastu ak tergelak kat situ. pakcik yg ckp "come in" tu x agak dahh. gelak kuat gile. ksian pakcik guard tu. hahaa. tapi lawak la pakcik.


i have a major "trust" issues regarding this one old man. you can be trusted or nott?! i don't trust you. but many others do. should i reveal the truth or not??! i don't really like you.!

___________________________________________________________________________


06.55a.m :: arini kelas pukul 8.00a.m. as usual. pukul 8.00 aku = 8.30. pkl 8.30 jadi pkl 9.00. ouh ena. bila nk brubahh nie..

last dayy paeds. yayyyy. i can't wait for ObGyn. i like ObGyn. dah blaja paeds neurology nih. rse cam neuro nih bosan olak. canne??! ObGyn la plakkk. bolehh??! ObGyn xbosan. ObGyn xbosan. hehe.
tapi tgk la blaja neuropsychiatry canne plak...


_________________________________________________________________________

i know., out there., some rumours have spread. but., if you just can make it less obvious. ppl wouldn't know. ppl interpret what they see. they don't know the truths. you know. i know. but.,

we're strong in and out. aren't we?!

Allah knows best. 

 my sweet asian desserts ::

they're my all time fav pies. any pie..any pie..they're the best.

they're my sweet apple pies. (2org yg kanan tu. apple pie hangit sket.) hahah

she's my sweet cinnabon pecan bites. ehh. wait up. she's my chocobon (chocobon is bigger than mini pecans) . hehe. psst :: she actually hates cinnamon.

they're cheesecake. =)

i might get NIDDM from this one. overdose of sugar in everything. ouh myy.

mood ::
 music ::



l~lysergdiethel®~

todayy i am sad. i'm not happy.

23.45 p.m

i can't sleep. !

nyampah ngan diri snirik.

smua barang pon asyik jatuh jaa..

lappy turned red. i cant differentiate colours. as if i'm a colour blind. seeing everything in red.

i dropped iphone too. =|

thats whyy having an ipad is not a good idea. soo fragile. i'm not buying your idea. heh. :P i just need another lappy. surely., the immortal one. hahah.

trustedinstaller satu lg buat ssaya tensen. apemende ntah.

well. while i google about this. i've found one nice brilliant solution for a problematic laptop.

lol.

and an advice for a clumsy one too...

yeah.yeah. i got that. but you don't have to be so harsh. whyy i can't have kids? heh.

omaigod. its already twelve?! darn! i suppose to sleep early tonite. i dont want to doze off again on my 2nd dayy regional pain course. ouh.

so thats all from an unhappy girl..

mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

Tell me how did I lose my way?!

19.07 p.m ::

 

Truth is for the ones who believe there's more to come.

Tell me how did I lose my way? Isn't there a door that leads to yesterday?
Oh how did I lose my way? Isn't there a door that opens into another day?
Tell me how did I lose my way? Isn't there a door that leads to yesterday?
Oh how did I lose my way? Isn't there a door that opens into another day? 

surah Ibrahim :verse7 :: 

“And remember! your Lord caused to be declared (publicly): "If you are grateful, I will add more (favours) unto you; But if you show ingratitude, truly My punishment is terrible indeed.”

 ohmyy. facebook.facebook.facebook. kecohh ja kan. kau nie....menyemak jaa.

laen kali buat invi utk aku.

kalau xbole. so jgn kecoh2. cuba hidup aman damai. okayy?! 

mood ::
music ::

~lysergdiethel®~

is there really no turning back?!

18.00p.m :: .............





_______________________________________________________


kalau pompuan xckp ngan kau. pompuan tu bajet hot laa??! oii.!
knape pulak smua pompuan mesti ckp ngan kau.?! kau HOT ke??! kau buat org HOTT pandai la..
dh la org kasi nasihat xnak dgr pulak. xphm betol la. cuba la nice sket ngan org skeliling.kau tau x knape dia xckp ngan kau?! sbb dia xssuka kau! tau x? tau x??! mesti xtau kann??! bace la nie. ak tolong bgtau. xyah ckp time kasih. xssusah pon. tulis jaa. nk ckp kat fb kita x friend pulak la kan. tp ak xfriend ngan kau bukan sbb ak bajet hot tau. sbb friend list almost full. :)


alah nie cite 2 minggu lepas sbnrnyaa. haha. baru nk kecoh2.lame xbukak belogspot.busy2. heh.

sbnrnyaa xkisah pon dia nk mcmtu. tp nie dah maen ssebut2 name mngate org kat facebook apehal an. maen kasar nmpk. she's my friend kott. kalau nk buat prangai cmtu. jgn nk ssusahkn org. smoga kau berubah la kan. amenn. :)

(but actually i hope he didn't read this. kang xpasal2 aku plak yg naik nama kat status dia nnt. xkuasa nk gaduh ngan org cmtu.heh.!)
____________________________________________________________


rejab..syaaban..RAMADHAN..SYAWAL! SYAWAL! SYAWAL!. hehe. ssaje nk stress kan yg tu. xssaba nk balik nie. ;)

this chaotic scene of mine never comes to an end aite?!


i dont want this. this is soo wrong. i can feel it. as if my soul is no longer here. 
there's no heart in it. ventricles stop pumping blood. brain is hypoxic. there is impending death of real me.


whyyyy?! 


yeahh. i did everything. but it was fake. i'm ssory. 
still i have a long journeyy ahead..


this thing should stop. really it should!  there must be a wayy to stop it.



imood :: xbest!
music ::


~lysergdiethel®~

Believing that life is not easy or fair made it easier to deal with reality

 as the title says.








mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

messy not messi

everyhting was a mess. wth is wrong with me todayy?!
hangover from last nite?! geez. ! >.<


i didnt perfom well in exam. i'm too lazy to read books and i'm thinking of having a dayy off for tomorrow. can i?! whoaa. even nobody can't stop me from doing that. but my soul wont allow me. to skip a class is like to kill someone innocence. can u do that?! but i would like to kill someone tomorrow!! :P
demmit. i wont.


aaa.. i dont feel like studying. =|
this is so not me. even my arabic teacher used to call me "lazy amalina". but i'm not that lazy rite?! yeahh. i'm not friendly with books but i like lectures. i prefer listening than reading. okayy. lazy amalina!
but now i dont like both. whats wrong?!!!


blame it on pms?! NO.

something seems not right. huhu



astargfirullahalazim....
tido la ena.






mood :: music :: ~lysergdiethel®~

marigold.

05.00a.m ::

penat lahh. ssakit kpala. xseyy g carrefour lg bole?! haihh...










mood ::
music ::
~lysergdiethel®~

alienkott.!

22.43 p.m :: pahlawan melayu mesti kuat.!



bila kita xpasti. mcm mane nak buat keputusan.?! mcm mane nk decide.?! by heart. or brain.?!
please use both. use ur brain wisely.

mcm mane bila brain is excessively stimulated and take over everything.?!
low treshold.


what if you break someone's heart today and someone breaks your heart tomorrow.?!
even alien has heart.
being heartless is so not cool.
in the end....your heart crumbles more.
it is not like chester said.. (in the end it doesn't even matter)
no. everyhting matter. even a word. don't take it as granted.

but you choose.

i'm ssory. i don't deserve anything from the beginning. 

i'm ssory.

mood ::
music ::


 ~lysergdiethel®~

talk is cheap.!

21.42. pm :: aduhaii.


there's something wrong. something isn't right.iknow.
and if i fail in this fight. not because the exam is hard. but because i've failed to manage myself.
got carried away. heyy., get real.!! what are you here for.?!!

HE (ALLAH) knows everything. 

mood ::
music ::

~lysergdiethel®~

checkitOUT.!

13.16 p.m ::

"we will not symphatize you. we'll not affected by tears. if we are., how we're going to do our works."

OMG. surgeons sure are heartless. O_o?!

cmne nk start surgery. int med pon xtau cmne. i'm stuck over here. how can i proceed.??! risau kat int. med nie. =|


aaa.., i have a very comlicated mind that nobody could've imagined. i can magnify simple things up to 10000x. and sometimes i can just take something sserious for granted. i have this feeling that i can't explain.!simply said., i have an impossible dream. but., aahh., nvm.untill todayy.,  i can smile.even with all those craps in my mind. life is easy. but don't take it for granted. !!

 my alien said. " u're gonna be alrite. be professional okayy?!" . emm. baikk.! thanxs. :)

(actually i'm not sure about this.,aaa...gosh.!! i'm suffocating over here. dammit.)

mood ::
music ::


~lysergdiethel®~

never say NEVER

6.05 am :: never say never.

haa. i like this song. JB?? so what.?! best ape. hehe. ssape tgk karate kid?! J smith is soo adorable. like his dad. :) [tp will smith xde aa adorable pon.kott.heh]

don't let things that not even worth thinking about, brings you down. u know what u want. get it!!. u have a powerful brain which can control everything. if u say YES. then i'm sure u can do it. its all about the way you use your brain. either u control it or u're controlled by it. don't let ur ego takes the upper hand. WAKE UP.!

lately., i rarely see smiley faces. whyyy.??! stress.??! come on guys. jgn mcm nie. ssemua org knape kahh.??! dah tuaa eh.??! bnyk kott kene pk. kott. everyhtings gonna be fine aite.?! Allah with us. :)

 tiba2 ingt kat kak nadia. -pagi bersama kak nadia-kejar tram. hehe. sweet. ♥

heyy., i miss you too. 

never say never haa.?! aaa.. how can we apply this to an impossible dream.?! i wonder...



mood ::
music ::


~lysergdiethel®~

listen.

14.33p.m ::

Believe in yourself and your values, don’t sell out when things go wrong.
Don’t let anything get you down, always bounce back up.

Set goals for your future, never settle for less.
Realize that there are others in the world with much bigger problems than you.

Appreciate the good things in your life and be thankful for the time you have with your loved ones.
Spend more time with your family and friends.

Appreciate the simple things in life and don’t get caught up in material things.

 

 

pravsworld

mood ::
music ::


~lysergdiethel®~

beautiful.

18.49 p.m :: ..

could anybody tell me that this is NOT TRUE.?!

mood ::
music ::

~lysergdiethel®~

So many words that we could say...why goodbye..

18.09 p.m ::

bukan malas. tp penat. bukan penat. tp lapa. bukan xnak mkn. tp xde mknn. bkn xckp tido. tp bnyk keje nk buat. bukan xnmpk. tp buat2 xnmpk. bkn benci. tp xssuka. bkn xnak lyn. tp xreti.  bukan xnak gelak. tp dyspnea. bukan. bukan. bukan. !!!!!

so many excuses haa?!

life is easy. u make it difficult.  

mood ::
music ::



~lysergdiethel®~

hoii.

07.47 a.m ::

everything seems harder this time.

lemah utk berangkat pergi. =|

mood ::  xnakk pegi!!!!!!
music ::


~lysergdiethel®~